If you don't know what to do, as a normal person, you would panic. As a not-so-normal one, you make a scene worthy of a Golden Globe for best dramatic actor. I hope I did the first normal thing to do, but I certainly remembered I made a scene (not so worthy yet very believable) only a few quite noticed, damn! It was my first take on my job (I am not particularly sure if it is OK to discuss it in here, so I'll just be pretty vague about it). It was horrible as I thought it would be, but I panicked anyway, so much for the confidence.
I never thought this thing would really be that hard for a non-experienced idiot as I am. Uhmm, well, statistics show it will be. The first tries were finished, and I am still struggling to find that edge in me. Everybody thought I would be great (for this, I also thought I will be), but then just like those ironic twists on movies, I stumbled, stuttered, and for the love of all things holy, killed my self-esteem along the way. I was crushed; crushed as an egg falling from the edge of a cliff. I could have chosen a better description for that, the heck I can't; Humpty Dumpty's the first thing that comes in my mind. Well, this is never the first time; I have a good share of embarassments, TMTM (too many to mention).
The Cube, the place I will abhor for the rest of my life or should I say, more probably, the rest of the years before someone will pull me out of this pithole (my sister, it's you, don't try to mock me!); was a little claustrophobic. Although, I don't have that kind of fear and I have been there gazillion times, it might be one of the reasons I crapped my ass off. I was a mess and the place is altogether messy, lots of worried faces struggling for some help, and I think I was never alone. I was just one with the crowd. They are laughing
with me not
at me. Or I hope so.
I know this is just a phase, and everyone must do all things for the first time. Now, it will be my second time and I'm not quite sure I will be able to get through to it, maybe the next time; I'm really not sure. But for sure, things will get pretty sticky in the following days, just like the armpit of someone I know. Hmmm, how do you practice multi-tasking if you're panicking?!! Oh, tomorrow will be another mess I will try to wipe clean. So help me All Things Holy! ~~~
